I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
