My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
