So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
