'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
