I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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