Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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