She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
