Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
