I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The beer is more important than you right now.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
