if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Randomize
