If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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