meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
