Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
