dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
