Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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