And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
