It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
