Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club đ
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: donât get cum on anything!
Youâve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Iâd clean the kitchen before making food. Mark ârang in the New Yearâ with some rando in there last night
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