and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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