as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
