the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
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