Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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