Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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