listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
