I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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