Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
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