i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
