I am puke
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
