And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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