No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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