Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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