I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
