she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
