How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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