some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wish there were birth control emojis
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
