We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
