I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
