Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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