My first STD was from a foam party
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
