Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I fill condoms, not promises.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
