Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
