Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
