Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
