Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate all girls vehemently.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
