Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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