When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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