You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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