Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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