Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
