you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
