So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
