He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
