There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This baby is an asshole
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
