I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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