I could have mohawked her pubes.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
