just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
