Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
