Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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