At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
